After work, I decide to get a beer at a bar. I teach night classes on a side of town I'm not used to, so I go into random sports bar and I sit alone. I do not watch most sports. Later...
Me (in my mind): it's getting late. I should go home.
Random guy: hey, this Texans game is good! Can't believe (something footbally happened)
Me (pretending to know football stuff): yeah, these dudes are dope! The Texans are in for some trouble if they mess up!
Guy: FINALLY! Someone on my side!!
The guy buys me beer. We are now best friends. Turns out we are the only fans of whatever the other team is in this bar. We bond over our outsider status. I have no idea what to say and as the night goes on, he keeps buying beer. I have pretended to like football for too long to come clean now. I end up watching the whole game. Our team lost. I didn't get home until midnight
I was in a dance class a few years ago and we had to do improv. Everyone there was a WAY better dancer than me,so I had a difficult time just with that. Well,my teacher gave us 5 mins to come up with a dance to a whole song,and you'd have to dance in front of the class alone. I noped the f' out of there and ran and hid in the bathroom. My cell phone was still in the classroom,but at that point I didn't care. I decided to sneak out the front door of the studio. Well there's a small problem there. The walkway to the parking lot was in front of the giant windows of my classroom. I decided to just duck down and run the best I could, hoping no one saw me. I made it to the car and had my Dad run in and get my phone. Didn't go back to my class for a few weeks there.
My girlfriend was a server at a restaurant called Bonefish and she was supposed to ask "Have you ever dined at Bonefish?" but instead she asked "Have you ever boned at Dinefish?" She was mortified but her customers thought it was hilarious.
I've been to Bonefish with my buddy. At one point the waitress comes up and says "Hey guys. How are you? How's everything? " and my friend said "WE'RE DELICIOUS " very loudly. We got a new waitress.