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Of Sound Mind and Body
Of Sound Mind and Body

I found my dad's will. I was on his computer while he was at work and ended up finding a strangely titled word document. At first it didn't seem like a big deal. It contained a note to each of his kids. It wasn't until I got to the last one, my youngest brother, that I realized it wasn't just a will. The start of that line read something along the lines of "If anything is going to make me change my mind now it's writing this part". I realized I had found my dad's suicide note. I was about 14 or 15 at the time and I had no idea how to go about talking to him about it. I decided to just keep it to myself. He started buying us gifts and stuff and I would get really scared and I still just kept it to myself. I remember one day on the weekend I woke up in my bed to a loud bang coming from my dad's room. I laid there in bed for probably half an hour frozen. Once I worked up the strength I went to his room and opened the door. He wasn't in the bedroom. I was so confused until I saw that the bedroom window was open. What had happened is that there was a gust and the wind had slammed the door shut, but my paranoid brain had heard a gunshot. After that I was laughing hysterically and I don't have much memory of the day past that.

Shortly after this incident my dad had returned most of the gifts he bought us kids and I slowly started to believe that he had changed his mind. I never confronted him about it until last year, about 14 years or so later, but I never fully accepted that he was ok now. I called him distraught about a separate matter and he started talking to me about depression. He told me on his own about he had considered taking his life, and went in to detail about it, and all I could do was cry and tell him "I know." We talked a lot longer after that and we were finally able to put it all to rest.

Vacation Video
Vacation Video

When I was 8 or so my old nanny was showing me a video of her time with her boyfriend in Paris. After it blacks out for a few seconds it then suddenly cuts to her lying on her hotel bed completely naked, telling her boyfriend to 'come get it'. She jumped out of her seat tried to cover my eyes and told me to never tell anyone. I have now told potentially thousands of random strangers.

Sacrifices
Sacrifices

Growing up with my little brother and single Mom we never had a lot, but she made sure we always had a safe and decent place to live and there was always food on the table. She never really ate much, I remember dinners of baked chicken, beef stew, salmon (it was a lot cheaper a million years ago)... good food, nothing terribly extravagant, but always nutritious, yet she barely ever ate. When I was 10 I saw her eating pb&j on crackers in her room after dinner. That's when I realized there was never enough food for all 3 of us, she would cook what we had for my brother and I and she would eat the bare minimum, always out of sight, so that my brother and I wouldn't worry about the actual level of poverty we were at. I never asked for another material thing from her after that night.

Owwwww...
Owwwww...

Was getting a vasectomy and the doctor told me not to look down.

I looked down.

...I shouldn't have looked down.

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